It Was Not My Time
by fevertrip
Summary: Usami survives an attacker at Marukawa, and the writer begins to withdraw.
1. Chapter 1

It Was Not My Time

After the incident, Misaki made sure to take extra care of Usami. It wasn't that Usami was completely helpless; he just needed someone to be there.

Last week was horrible, terrifying. A crazed fan entered Marukawa Publishers and stormed into a meeting between the author, Aikawa, and Isaka-san. The fan attacked Isaka-san with a knife and when Usami tried to intervene, the fan sliced Isaka's hand and turned on Usami and stabbed Usami in the shoulder. The fan then turned the knife on himself and stabbed himself to death.

Usami went to the hospital and was evaluated. His wound would begin to heal, but doctors told him to avoid putting stress on the right side of his arm and shoulder. Misaki was horrified when Aikawa had called him after the incident. He flew straight to the hospital, panicking, to be with Usami.

Usami tried to be in good spirits; he was after all, okay. However, he was in shock that a man died in front of him. Usami was a little quiet. Misaki looked at him with concern, hoping Usami would open up and talk about it. However, Usami being Usami, he didn't want Misaki to worry about anything, and he chose not to speak about it.

That evening, Aikawa, herself still shook up, escorted Usami and Misaki home from the hospital in a cab. Misaki walked Usami to the elevator and up to the penthouse. As soon as Usami walked in, Misaki darted ahead of him and fixed some cushions on the couch and led Usami over to sit.

"Misaki, I'm not bedridden or anything. It's not like I have to be off my feet." Usami smiled and reached out to tousle the teen's hair.

"Usagi-san, just sit down for a while and rest. You've been through enough." The teen was truly worried about Usami. "Are you hungry? You should put something in your stomach, even if it's late." Misaki went to the kitchen and started some tea. He brought out some left over Miso soup and heated it.

Usami was quiet and just sat. Thoughts, vivid thoughts kept tearing through his mind. He snapped out of it when Misaki set a bowl of miso on the coffee table and a cup of hot tea.

"Thank you, Misaki." Usami reached out and held onto Misaki's arm so Misaki wouldn't walk away. "Please sit by me, Misaki." Usami's voice was serious, quiet. Misaki immediately sat at the side of Usami, concerned. Usami leaned his head down to rest against Misaki's head. Misaki, not knowing what Usami was feeling or even if Usami was about to cry, put his arm around Usami and ran his hand soothingly over his lover's temple, stroking his hair.

Usami still would not talk. They stayed this way for the next half hour.

* * * * * * *

It was after midnight, and Misaki was starting to feel a little tired. "Usagi-san?" he asked softly. "Are you tired? Maybe you should go to bed and try to rest. . ." Then, after thinking, Misaki added, "Would you like some company?"

Usami nodded. Misaki walked with him to his room and he helped Usami unbutton his dress shirt. Misaki looked at the condition of the shirt as he unbuttoned. "Is this the same shirt you --?"

"Aikawa had brought me a clean one."

Usami slid out of it, and Misaki flinched at seeing the bandaged area of his shoulder. Misaki got a Tshirt and Usami turned at an angle to keep his wound out of Misaki's sight.

"Baka, I already saw it," Misaki said as he winced for Usami. Misaki helped Usami pull the shirt over his head. He was helping Usami out of his pants when Usami chuckled. Misaki had to chuckle too. Since when did the great Usami Akihiko need help getting out of his pants? The irony. Misaki went to get him a pair of pajama bottoms and handed them to the writer. He held onto Misaki while he slid into his bottoms, one leg at a time. All ready for bed, Usami smiled softly and gave a gentle kiss on Misaki's forehead.

Misaki pulled the blankets back and waited for Usami to get in. Misaki climbed in and pulled the blankets over Usami, making sure that Usami was comfortable.

"Misaki, come closer." Usami held out his left arm, and Misaki scooted closer.

"Usagi-san? I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to put any pressure on –"

"You're fine, Misaki. I need you close to me." Misaki snuggled closely to his lover.

As they lied there, Misaki was thinking thought after thought. What if it had been more serious? What if Usami had died? Could he even begin to live a life without his Usagi-san? Why did that deranged man come into the publishing house? Was he targeting Usami?

Misaki was unsettled. He didn't look at Usami, but he figured his lover was having a hard time sleeping too.

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I've been writing on Junjou for a while now for my own entertainment. This is my first published story, something I wrote a while back. I love writing, but I am not good at it, so please, be honest and let me know what you think I can do to make it better. Of course, if this sucks, I won't add the other chapters. Unfortunately, I'm not in the medical profession and don't know much about knife wounds. But I love Usagi-san, and I wanted him to be okay.


	2. Chapter 2

**To all of you who took the time to read and respond: thank you so much for your feedback and encouragement! I hope you like this. Here goes the second chapter. . . **

_Usagi-san is still so depressed_, thought Misaki. _Poor guy_. He looked across the table and noticed a sullen Usami eating breakfast. He looked dull and his face had a 5 o'clock shadow. Misaki wanted to interrupt the older man's pattern of sad thoughts and sounded cheerful. "Usagi-san? Maybe in order to get a little boost, you should take a bath and shave. Look at your 5 o'clock shadow. . ." The teen watched for a reaction but didn't get one. Thinking of an excuse to help Usami, Misaki added,"I'll help you. . . I mean, since you're right-handed, you probably can't shave with your left – "

Usami smiled softly but didn't say anything. Misaki wanted to frown; he missed the old Usagi-san.

Misaki had Usami sit at the edge of the tub and he carefully, gently shaved Usami's stubble. Wiping off the remaining shaving cream with a towel, Misaki chirped, "See? You already look refreshed. Now, let me draw the bath for you."

Misaki bent over to turn on the tap and was hoping to feel a perverted Usami spank him; but Usami didn't even touch him. How Misaki missed the old Usagi-san. He was worried. It had already been nearly a week since the incident. Why wouldn't Usami talk to him? Except for the sound of water filling, the room was silent, and Misaki found it unbearable.

He suddenly barked. "If you don't talk to me, I won't help you, Usagi-san!"

Usami looked at Misaki, puzzled. "What do you mean?"

"You won't talk to me about anything. Not even a small meaningless conversation about your freakin' marimo collection or anything. I wish you'd talk to me about what you're feeling about the incident at Marukawa, but you won't. I know it's bothering you, I know it is. So, why won't you talk to me about it? Tell me what's going on, Usagi-san! I'm not a kid anymore; you can tell me. . .Damn it, I miss –" Misaki stopped himself. Maybe this was too much for Usagi-san, maybe he should give him more time. He shook his head and turned off the tub. The boy just stood there, eyes frozen to the floor, helpless. _I can't help him, can I?_ _What good am I if I can't even help him?_ he asked himself.

After a pause, Usami spoke. "Misaki? Look, I don't want you to worry about anything. I'm fine. It's just that I'm tired. . . Really, Misaki, I don't want you to worry." Usami unconsciously rubbed his freshly-shaven cheek. He let out a sigh. "Yes, it was horrible; why bring you down about it?"

Misaki stepped closer to Usami and held his arm. "Usagi-san, that's what I mean. It's not healthy to keep it bottled in. It _was_ horrible. So talk to me. You would expect the same of me, wouldn't you?"

Usami had no expression for a while. He stared straight ahead, his mouth closed. After a minute, his serious expression softened into a little light smile. He reached out to touch Misaki's face. "I know, Misaki. Maybe tonight we'll talk for a while." He leaned in to kiss the teen's mouth. He was hoping the kiss would somehow quell the boy's anxiety. Suddenly, with a familiar playfulness, Usami asked, "Help me undress? And, you too will be joining me in the tub?"

Misaki smiled. "Baka, just you." Misaki helped Usami take off his shirt and undo the pants. Blushing, Misaki got behind the novelist in order to avoid looking at Usami's naked front side as he pulled down the pants. Usami slowly lowered himself in the tub.

Misaki was on his knees behind the tub and took a cloth. He gently rubbed the cloth on Usami's back, taking great care to cleanse the distressed skin and willing to revive it again with a loving stroke. Usami was quiet, eyes closed. Misaki went around the wound on the shoulder, careful not to touch it. He reached around to wash Usami's chest, but finally accepted it was a bad angle. He got up and walked to the side of the tub to have better access. Misaki tenderly washed the man's chest, and Usami opened his eyes. He looked at Misaki, and Misaki's eyes locked with his. Misaki still rubbed, but his movement was absent-minded, for he was in a trance staring into his lover's eyes. It had been an awful while since he last felt any sort of deep intimacy with Usami.

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**Hmmm. . . so it seems like they're getting in the mood now. Originally there's more to this chapter, but I thought this might be a good place to stop. Hope you liked this so far! By the way, don't you just want to grab Usagi-san in your arms and kiss his boo-boo?! He really could use that, I think. . . . **


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm sorry this took long enough to post. For those of you who wanted more to the "bath scene", you knew exactly where Usami and Misaki were going, didn't you? ;) And now, here's chapter 3. . .**

Misaki stopped washing Usami and looked away. He was about to get up, when Usami leaned forward and held Misaki's arm down. Misaki looked and Usami's lips were getting closer and closer. Usami gently kissed Misaki's neglected lips, and Misaki was secretly thrilled. The kiss threatened to get deeper and more passionate when Misaki pulled away, smiling shyly.

"Usagi-san, we need to get you cleaned up."

Usami stood up slowly in the tub. "I'm clean enough for what I'm about to do to you." His body was wet, but he didn't care. He stepped out of the tub and grabbed Misaki's arm. He was starting to pull Misaki out of the bathroom, when Misaki yelled, "At least let me dry you off quickly, you idiot!" Misaki quickly blotted Usami's body wherever he could, but the author would not wait long. He grabbed Misaki and led him to the bedroom.

Inbetween kisses, Usami said in a low voice, "Now, Misaki . . .[kiss, kiss]. . . usually I wouldn't ask you . . .[kiss, kiss] . . . to do my job for me . . . [kiss, kiss] . . . but this time, you're going to have to help me get you undressed."

Misaki blushed. Should he put on a front and reject Usami? No, he missed Usami too much. He would not play hard to get today. Blushing profusely, Misaki took off his shirt and pulled down his pants and underwear, kicking them off quickly. Usami embraced him, his injury causing one arm to be limp. They kissed deeply, Misaki allowing the older man's tongue to reach far inside. Unable to help himself in a moment of passion, Usami pushed Misaki down on the bed and started to follow when he began to lean down and realized he couldn't support himself well with one arm.

_Shit_, Usami thought. _This is going to be a problem too. I can't take the lead here because of my arm._

Usami sighed. He sat up and for once, actually blushed a little. He smiled and said to Misaki, "Now, I'm going to need your help here too, Misaki."

Misaki understood right away. He was already embarrassed that he helped Usami out this much. He might as well go all out and swallow his pride to make it easy on the man.

Usami backed up on his knees and called Misaki forward with his finger waving. "Sit here at the edge of the bed."

Misaki did so and Usami got on his knees on the floor, before the bed and before his anticipating lover. Usami first reached out and caressed Misaki's member. He stroked a few times, Misaki shutting his eyes and breathing out slowly. Then, Usami lowered his mouth to take it in.

Usami's hot mouth felt pleasurable to his lover. The older man's tongue pressed firmly all along Misaki's length, the tongue roughly sliding over the hardened flesh. The brown-haired teen let out a shaky sigh, lips quivering, and clenched his eyes shut as he curled his fingers through Usami's hair and pulled the man's face closer to his sensitive groin. "Ohhhhhh!" Misaki gasped when he felt a hard suck below.

Usami seemed so confident. Perhaps the tragedy at Marukawa wasn't enough to kill off his desire. Perhaps death was just a fleeting memory inside the mind of the writer. The older man's mouth worked hard while his left hand lightly brushed up and down Misaki's thigh, and his right hand reached under his chin to gently caress Misaki's testicles.

"Uhnnn. . ." Misaki grunted. He opened his eyes and looked down to watch Usami in action, the friction from the sucking causing such delicious pleasure. Misaki's hips instinctively thrust forward and back.

"Mmph," Usami didn't seem to mind the rocking in his face; he even reached behind Misaki to hold the boy's bottom and pull him closer to his face.

It didn't take much longer. Misaki shuddered and released in Usami's mouth. The teen panted as he watched Usami lick his lips and wipe his mouth. Usami looked tenderly at the boy and paused for a bit before saying softly, "I missed you." The boy felt his heart melt; he missed his Usagi-san, too.

Of course, following the tragedy, Usami had been neglected sexually. And with his injury, he wouldn't be able to perform much of his duties in bed tonight. He gave the boy a look before saying in a non-threatening, tender tone, "Misaki, I need you to turn around and get on your knees." Misaki hesitated. Usami softly kissed Misaki's knee and said, "Come on . . . for me."

As Usami quickly stood up and retrieved some lubrication, Misaki swallowed hard and turned over and got on his knees and elbows. The writer returned and squeezed some lubrication on his fingers and did his routine in preparing his boy love. Misaki grabbed the sheets, grunting out of discomfort. "It's okay, Misaki," Usami said softly and kissed the small of the teen's back, causing the teen to shiver. Usami removed his fingers and squeezed some lubrication on his throbbing organ. He positioned himself at the foot of the bed and was about to press into Misaki when he paused and realized it wasn't the best position for him. _Damn it._ He frowned. He climbed onto the bed and sat. "Misaki, come sit on me." Misaki got up and sat on his lap, facing his lover. "Mmm, sit right on top of it," Usami instructed. Misaki exhaled a shaky breath and positioned himself over where he felt the tip of his lover's hardness. Usami slowly thrust forward, and the head entered Misaki.

"Ahh! O god, ahh!" Misaki instinctively gripped hard onto Usami's shoulders. But Usami gasped and hissed out of pain. Misaki's eyes widened and he let go. "U-Usagi-san! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" The teen felt so horrible for hurting his lover.

Usami winced but smiled. "No, no, it's okay. I'm fine. . . ." He looked a little frustrated; both lovers were getting further aroused and could not act on it. "Maybe this isn't the best position. Here, try sitting on me with your back to me." Misaki responded, and Usami thrust again. It was a little better because Misaki gripped onto Usami's knees for support. The two were sitting up, and Usami held Misaki's back close to his chest as he worked deeper into the teen. His left arm started to throb, but he just wanted to hold Misaki close. The pain was getting to him, so he let go of Misaki and suddenly, their love-making lost its natural flow and rhythm. Misaki gasped, wondering what the problem was now. "Misaki, this isn't working," Usami sounded irritated, but Misaki could tell the man was discouraged. "I really want you. I need you now. . . I. . ." Usami stopped talking and huffed. Misaki climbed off the novelist, unsure of what to do. He felt bad to see the _seme_ helpless and frustrated. Not good for his ego.

The couple was still turned on, their breathing getting harder. They needed to experience pleasure with one another. It was quiet for a bit but Usami held the teen's hand. "Wait, Misaki. . . we can still do this." Usami already started to lie on his back and he pulled Misaki on top of him. "I'm determined to satisfy you," he whispered to Misaki and kissed him softly on the mouth. Misaki was trembling with anticipation. He positioned himself above Usami. With both hands, Usami steadied Misaki's hips as he thrust upward. When the head entered deep into Misaki, the novelist thrust again and again and again. "Ah! God, ahhh!!!" Misaki cried out. Out of frustration and intense arousal, Usami did not hold back.

Misaki supported himself on Usami's ribs. The writer's pacing got faster and faster. The friction that was created was intense, and heat radiated from the rubbing of the throbbing flesh. Misaki thought he was going to melt. Usami shoved deeper and deeper, and the brown-haired teen bounced up and down. The room was filled with sounds of their groaning and heavy panting, and the bed creaking and shaking. Usami's hand squeezed one of the teen's buttocks and with his other hand, grabbed hold of Misaki's bouncing erection. The older man moaned and squeezed the teen's hardness. The boy's eyes were clenched shut and he cried out. Usami jerked Misaki off and the teen couldn't take it anymore. "I. . .I . . .Usagi-saaaannnn!!!" He convulsed and came on Usami. Usami could feel Misaki's insides squeeze down on his erection, causing a pleasurable milking sensation on his penis. Usami let out a long, deep moan and emptied himself in Misaki. "M-Misakiiiii!!! Ohhhhh!!!" The orgasm washed over their bodies from head to toe, and they started to slow down. They weren't left dissatisfied in the slightest; their love-making was thorough, and they both felt complete. Usami pulled Misaki down close to him, and they looked into each other's eyes.

Misaki's eyes were watering. It wasn't from the pain of their love-making; he didn't know why, but he wanted to cry. Then suddenly, Misaki gently touched the wound and stitches on Usami's shoulder and he kissed it. Usami's heart sprang. His lover had never done anything like it before, never been so tender as this. Misaki's voice cracked, "U-Usagi-san?"

"Shh, it's okay, Misaki." Usami cradled the boy's head against his right shoulder and held his love close to him. "We're going to be okay. I love you."

Misaki knew nothing else at that moment other than he loved Usami with all his heart, and he wanted to protect this man from all harm if he could.

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**I am sorry this chapter certainly took long enough to post. It was not easy to edit. I tried not to make it about the sex itself; I mostly wanted to point out the difficult time Usami was having in performing his love act with Misaki. Never thought sex would be a challenge for Usami, so I thought I'd take him down a road of frustration. And he's lucky he had Misaki to "help" him. What are ukes for?! ;)**

**Please check out my profile periodically for updates, notes to you all, etc. **

**For those of you following this story, thank you for staying with it! :) It means a lot! **

**As always, please share your thoughts with me! Thnx!!!**


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